The Truth Behind The End Of The World - New Year 2000-2007

philbert wrote: There is a theory, that a problem is based on the 'victims' intelligent ability to fix it (tho this theory falls over when
used against loneliness, cos it gets all of us and nobody can defeat it). However, things could be much much worse if
we were all really stupid, as very small problems would confuse us all.

Here’s what really happened at the 1st second of 2007, and why humanity did not end in the year 2000 (in theory).

============================================================================

Those who fear insanity, or are easily led, should not read on. Go try & find Santa instead please.

______________________________________________________________________________________


Bob stood next to the ice-cream van, and waited for the vendor to hand the cone over.
The vendor tried to make polite conversation; “You know pal, my last customer said that on the far side of Earth its gonna be New Year 12 hours before it is for us - go figure eh? World’s full of wackos!"
Bob shrugged his shoulders and thought (“far 'side' of the world? Wouldn’t they fall off? they’d be upside down! Hmmm." )
As he took the cone, there was a huge bright >>FLASH<<. He considered closing his eyes as the pain was so great, but before he could, it had gone again.
“Wow, what was that?", they both said together. Bob turned round, and nearly dropped his choccy-mint-chip cone -
“Hey!, what the hells happened to my grass?!". The Earth stood before him (and it 'was' still round!) but *everything* was gone, totally gone, except the blackened dusty floor and a few distant hills. Not a tree, road, bush or building remained, anywhere on the surface of the Earth, it was all totally black and incinerated..
“Where the hell has my damned garden gone?!" bob said in a louder voice?

“OY YOU!!" a deep voice echod, “what are YOU doing??, its over, why are you STILL here?" it cried out.
“Never mind where 'I' am, where the hells my garden and my house gone?" exclaimed Bob.
“Maybe the bailiffs took it, did you forget your payments on it?" enquired the ice cream vendor.
“Nooo nooo, the world, its gone! You can’t be here!" boomed the voice again; “I’m God, and your time here is over - how can 'you' still be here??"
“It was the council wasn’t it? they did it!" Bob grunted.
A shuffle of feet, and of a cloak on the floor, saw the appearance of the Grimm Reaper, and he looked tired as he leaned on the ice cream vans door. He pulled back his hood, and used the back of his hand to wipe the sweat from his boney-brow - 'clunk', 'rattle'.
“Sorry i’m late God, you wouldn’t believe the number of people i had to shift awa — -HEY! WHATS THIS?!" He shouted.
“Ah ha, you did this, didn’t you eh? You’re from the council ain’t you?" Bob shouted, and poked the Reaper in his chest bone.
“Owww, don’t do that you fool, that does actually hurt you know. God, what’s happened THIS time?" he said, his shock overlying his smirk at his own comment..
“Oh I don’t know” God said in despair, “You do things right, and there’s always SOMEBODY 'sooo' stupid, they mess it all up!" Said God, as he materialised next to the Reaper, “You look tired, sorry about all the work Grimm, but they bred like rabbits this time!"

“So, when you two have finished, where’s my bloody property gone eh? My XBOX 360 was still in there, and if you’ve damaged it, you’re both history!"
God and the Reaper stepped to one side with there backs to the ice cream van, the vendor, and Bob of course. “So what do we do now?" Said the Reaper in a hushed voice, “i mean, its an unusual situation to be sure, but couldn’t you just poison the ice cream, or maybe >>ZAP<< them both with lightening or something?"
“What the heck sort of benevolent entity do you think I am?" God squealed, “there ARE rules you know - i can’t just bend them because of one slight oversight”.
“I wouldn’t say the 'ending of humanity' failing because of 2 idiots' surviving your incompetence, is an 'oversight' for God’s sake!!" the Reaper retorted.
“OY NOW YOU JUST WATCH THAT LANGUAGE! I could have you black-listed for that!" God shouted!
The Reaper stamped his sythe in the dusty black floor, “I hate this crap, you always do this, i’ve had a day from hell i have, and you’ve done nothing but mess my work up agai — -"
“If you two have QUITE finished!" Bob interupted, with more than a hint of aggressive conduct looming, “I’d like to get back in my garden chair, if you would just find and sack whoever did this, and return my house and garden furnishings!", and he turned to the vendor and shrugged his shoulders again.
The vendor rolled his eyes and made a 'tut' noise.
“Listen you two!", the Reaper growled, “Do you not realise the gravity of the situation YOU have caused? Millions of years of evolution wasted, the big scheme of things - kicked into a bucket, billions of years of preparation lost in an instant, and WHY? because of you being so thick - you’ve gone backwards 'off' the scale of stupidity and caused the 'problems-are-based-on-your-own-level-of-ability-to-fix-them' rule to be invoked! I am The Grimm Reaper, and I AM NOT A HAPPY BUNNY!"
“Oy, garden, back, NOW!", Bod growled back and stepped forward in an aggresive manner. The Reaper was more than a little startled and pulled away from him slightly, holding his suthe in a defensive manner.
“Bob, it is Bob isn’t it?" God said, trying to calm him down, “Bob, it appears that unless you can fully understand the concept, of life, the universe, US, and what’s has happened here just now, I have no choice but to call in a few favours from fate & reality - and thank the stars they ain’t here to witness this catastrophe first hand, that’s all I can say about it. The time for the human race?, well it’s OVER, your gone, time for evolution to jump on again (thankfully in many cases!). Left alone, you take too long to do anything, so as a safe-guard, 2000AD was fate’s way of ensuring the necessary transitions occured in the universe, but each year since then, it’s gone wrong because of somebody being extra-extra stupid, OK?"
“XBOX !, GARDEN !, CHAIR !, NOOOOW ! or i’m calling the police!" Bob finally screamed, going red in the face.
The Reaper lifted his sythe handle up high, with his eyes set squarely on Bobs head, but by the time he had taken careful aim, God had already given up hope of winning, vanished, and returned with the required ability to return things to what they once were....

>>FLASHHHHH<< - and this time, Bobs half-melted choccy-mint-chip ice cream did fall on the floor.
His eyes eyes adjusted to the normal light, and he turned to the vendor again.
“Well how about THAT!", they both said together,
“Must be them solar flares or something. .It’s an odd thing to happen twice in one day eh?" the vendor said.
“It is indeed”, Bob replied back.
He took his 2nd choccy-mint-chip ice cream, walked through his garden gate, and sat in his garden chair to relax.
“Hmmm”, he thought, “It’ll be New Year in 12 hours. But I bet nothing changes. Be nice if it did, just for once.“

philbert wrote: There is a theory, that a problem is based on the 'victims' intelligent ability to fix it (tho this theory falls over when
used against loneliness, cos it gets all of us and nobody can defeat it). However, things could be much much worse if
we were all really stupid, as very small problems would confuse us all.

Here’s what really happened at the 1st second of 2007, and why humanity did not end in the year 2000 (in theory).

============================================================================

Those who fear insanity, or are easily led, should not read on. Go try & find Santa instead please.

______________________________________________________________________________________


Bob stood next to the ice-cream van, and waited for the vendor to hand the cone over.
The vendor tried to make polite conversation; “You know pal, my last customer said that on the far side of Earth its gonna be New Year 12 hours before it is for us - go figure eh? World’s full of wackos!"
Bob shrugged his shoulders and thought (“far 'side' of the world? Wouldn’t they fall off? they’d be upside down! Hmmm." )
As he took the cone, there was a huge bright >>FLASH<<. He considered closing his eyes as the pain was so great, but before he could, it had gone again.
“Wow, what was that?", they both said together. Bob turned round, and nearly dropped his choccy-mint-chip cone -
“Hey!, what the hells happened to my grass?!". The Earth stood before him (and it 'was' still round!) but *everything* was gone, totally gone, except the blackened dusty floor and a few distant hills. Not a tree, road, bush or building remained, anywhere on the surface of the Earth, it was all totally black and incinerated..
“Where the hell has my damned garden gone?!" bob said in a louder voice?

“OY YOU!!" a deep voice echod, “what are YOU doing??, its over, why are you STILL here?" it cried out.
“Never mind where 'I' am, where the hells my garden and my house gone?" exclaimed Bob.
“Maybe the bailiffs took it, did you forget your payments on it?" enquired the ice cream vendor.
“Nooo nooo, the world, its gone! You can’t be here!" boomed the voice again; “I’m God, and your time here is over - how can 'you' still be here??"
“It was the council wasn’t it? they did it!" Bob grunted.
A shuffle of feet, and of a cloak on the floor, saw the appearance of the Grimm Reaper, and he looked tired as he leaned on the ice cream vans door. He pulled back his hood, and used the back of his hand to wipe the sweat from his boney-brow - 'clunk', 'rattle'.
“Sorry i’m late God, you wouldn’t believe the number of people i had to shift awa — -HEY! WHATS THIS?!" He shouted.
“Ah ha, you did this, didn’t you eh? You’re from the council ain’t you?" Bob shouted, and poked the Reaper in his chest bone.
“Owww, don’t do that you fool, that does actually hurt you know. God, what’s happened THIS time?" he said, his shock overlying his smirk at his own comment..
“Oh I don’t know” God said in despair, “You do things right, and there’s always SOMEBODY 'sooo' stupid, they mess it all up!" Said God, as he materialised next to the Reaper, “You look tired, sorry about all the work Grimm, but they bred like rabbits this time!"

“So, when you two have finished, where’s my bloody property gone eh? My XBOX 360 was still in there, and if you’ve damaged it, you’re both history!"
God and the Reaper stepped to one side with there backs to the ice cream van, the vendor, and Bob of course. “So what do we do now?" Said the Reaper in a hushed voice, “i mean, its an unusual situation to be sure, but couldn’t you just poison the ice cream, or maybe >>ZAP<< them both with lightening or something?"
“What the heck sort of benevolent entity do you think I am?" God squealed, “there ARE rules you know - i can’t just bend them because of one slight oversight”.
“I wouldn’t say the 'ending of humanity' failing because of 2 idiots' surviving your incompetence, is an 'oversight' for God’s sake!!" the Reaper retorted.
“OY NOW YOU JUST WATCH THAT LANGUAGE! I could have you black-listed for that!" God shouted!
The Reaper stamped his sythe in the dusty black floor, “I hate this crap, you always do this, i’ve had a day from hell i have, and you’ve done nothing but mess my work up agai — -"
“If you two have QUITE finished!" Bob interupted, with more than a hint of aggressive conduct looming, “I’d like to get back in my garden chair, if you would just find and sack whoever did this, and return my house and garden furnishings!", and he turned to the vendor and shrugged his shoulders again.
The vendor rolled his eyes and made a 'tut' noise.
“Listen you two!", the Reaper growled, “Do you not realise the gravity of the situation YOU have caused? Millions of years of evolution wasted, the big scheme of things - kicked into a bucket, billions of years of preparation lost in an instant, and WHY? because of you being so thick - you’ve gone backwards 'off' the scale of stupidity and caused the 'problems-are-based-on-your-own-level-of-ability-to-fix-them' rule to be invoked! I am The Grimm Reaper, and I AM NOT A HAPPY BUNNY!"
“Oy, garden, back, NOW!", Bod growled back and stepped forward in an aggresive manner. The Reaper was more than a little startled and pulled away from him slightly, holding his suthe in a defensive manner.
“Bob, it is Bob isn’t it?" God said, trying to calm him down, “Bob, it appears that unless you can fully understand the concept, of life, the universe, US, and what’s has happened here just now, I have no choice but to call in a few favours from fate & reality - and thank the stars they ain’t here to witness this catastrophe first hand, that’s all I can say about it. The time for the human race?, well it’s OVER, your gone, time for evolution to jump on again (thankfully in many cases!). Left alone, you take too long to do anything, so as a safe-guard, 2000AD was fate’s way of ensuring the necessary transitions occured in the universe, but each year since then, it’s gone wrong because of somebody being extra-extra stupid, OK?"
“XBOX !, GARDEN !, CHAIR !, NOOOOW ! or i’m calling the police!" Bob finally screamed, going red in the face.
The Reaper lifted his sythe handle up high, with his eyes set squarely on Bobs head, but by the time he had taken careful aim, God had already given up hope of winning, vanished, and returned with the required ability to return things to what they once were....

>>FLASHHHHH<< - and this time, Bobs half-melted choccy-mint-chip ice cream did fall on the floor.
His eyes eyes adjusted to the normal light, and he turned to the vendor again.
“Well how about THAT!", they both said together,
“Must be them solar flares or something. .It’s an odd thing to happen twice in one day eh?" the vendor said.
“It is indeed”, Bob replied back.
He took his 2nd choccy-mint-chip ice cream, walked through his garden gate, and sat in his garden chair to relax.
“Hmmm”, he thought, “It’ll be New Year in 12 hours. But I bet nothing changes. Be nice if it did, just for once.“

mimi38 wrote: well you dunno what you are missing

mimi38 wrote: whoa, i think this is the best humor but i guess some are scared of reading it all through, next time phil, **post a bit** then repost, then repost, i think it might help