a hunter calls 911 he says " ive shot a hunter, what do i do?" the operator replies " ok, it mite not be as bad as you think. first check if hes dead” the operator hears a gunshot. the hunter says " ok, what next..."
Theres this woman, shes doin some cooking and she runs out of onions.
she runs over to the greengrocer across town, cause no one else is open.
Out of breath, she asks the greengrocer, “do you have any onions?
“no, im sorry, were all out” he replys.
Now this lady, she doesn’t want to hear that, and she starts pleading for some onions"please sir, i realy, realy need some onions. Im making this dish and its just go to have onions”
“look, i would love to help you, but we just dont have any onions. im sorry” said the greengrocer.
“look, i want onions!"
Sorry, we dont have any."
Im NOT leaving till i have some onions!"
“WE DONT HAVE ANY ONIONS!"
GIVE ME THE DAMN ONIONS!"
Anyhow this went on, back and forth for about half and hour.
Exhausted and wanting to get this crazy woman out of his store, he softly spoke.......
“look, if you take the Lett out of lettuse, what do you get?....
“us” she replyed.
“thats right"he said.....“and if you take the Cabb out of Cabbage, what do you get?"
“age” she said.
“thats right. And if you take the Fuck out of Onions, what do you get?"
“there is no FUCK IN ONIONS” she said.
“THATS RIGHT, THERE IS NO FUCKIN ONIONS!!!!THATS WHAT I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU FOR THE LAST HALF A FUCKIN HOUR!!!!!!"
2 brothers, 1 is 7 years old the other is 4 the older brother says to the younger brother we are going to swear, when we go for breakfast, he says I will say fucking and you will fat ass
they go down for breakfast and the mother asks the older son what do you want for breakfast? he says to his mother i dont want any fucking eggs
well his mother picks him up by the coller and kicks his butt all the back to his room
she comes back to the kithchen and asks the younger one what do you want for breakfast?
he says u can bet your fat ass i’mgoing to take those eggs
--- "I’m sorry for all the things that never happened and everything we never had...“
A man and his wife are golfing, the wife hits the ball, and it goes through a near by houses window, a man appeared in the window and waved at them, the two went to his house to apologize, but then the man said
“No No! I wanted to thank YOU, see that broken bottle over there? I was in it, I’m a genie, you released me, but becuase there are two of you, you each get one wish, and I get one for myself, making 3,
The 3 agreed and the husband went first, “I wish to be the richest man in the world” “Done” the genie said, the wife was next, “I wish for a big house in ever country!" “Done” the genie said. “Now its my turn” the genie announced, “Ive been in the bottle so long, I wish to sleep with your wife”
“what??? NO!!" the husband yelled, “I granted you your wishes, and i can just as easily take them back!"
eventually the group came to an agreement, and the wife and the genie went upstairs, hours later, upstairs, the genie asked “So how olds your husband?" “25” the wife replied, the genie laughed and said.
firewolf81 wrote:
It appears alot of folks are funny buggers....
Lets see what you got.
I want your best joke or the funniest joke you know.
Come on...BRING IT ON!!!!..
Oh, and no racist jokes please, that shits not funny.
MeZ GoTtA Good N .. TwaZ A Paki BastarD !!! No CanT Use That !!! TwaZ A Dirty Black Nigger Coon !!! Umm .. Can’T Use That !!! TwaS A DirtY Shit SkiN Mother FuckinG Paki !!! DaMn U’ve Killed All Me Jokes .. U Mother Fucking Shit Skin !!!
Two men were hunting deer out in the woods, and Man 1 said he had to go to the bathroom, so he went about 30 feet away and went behind a tree.
Well a snake bit him right on the end of his... um... wiener lets say, and he screamed in pain.
Man 2: What’s wrong?
Man 1: A snake just bit me on the tip of my wiener!
Man 2: Alright, stay calm, i’ll call the hospital!
And so he did, he asked what do you do if someone else is bitten by a snake. And the hospital replied saying that you must put you’r mouth on the both, covering all the holes, and suck.
Well Man 2 hung up and Man 1 asked what should we do.
My Back to the Future Joke, completely original, by me. You gotta know there’s a character named Doc to understand it. You also gotta know what a paradox is:
What do you get when Doc sees himself in the past?
soldier: sir, garreths not in his cell!
seargent: i know, i shot him
soldier: oh ok.... you what??!!!
seargnt: now im off to emmets cell, to fix emmet *grabs gun*
Theres this woman, shes doin some cooking and she runs out of onions.
she runs over to the greengrocer across town, cause no one else is open.
Out of breath, she asks the greengrocer, “do you have any onions?
“no, im sorry, were all out” he replys.
Now this lady, she doesn’t want to hear that, and she starts pleading for some onions"please sir, i realy, realy need some onions. Im making this dish and its just go to have onions”
“look, i would love to help you, but we just dont have any onions. im sorry” said the greengrocer.
“look, i want onions!"
Sorry, we dont have any."
Im NOT leaving till i have some onions!"
“WE DONT HAVE ANY ONIONS!"
GIVE ME THE DAMN ONIONS!"
Anyhow this went on, back and forth for about half and hour.
Exhausted and wanting to get this crazy woman out of his store, he softly spoke.......
“look, if you take the Lett out of lettuse, what do you get?....
“us” she replyed.
“thats right"he said.....“and if you take the Cabb out of Cabbage, what do you get?"
“age” she said.
“thats right. And if you take the Fuck out of Onions, what do you get?"
“there is no FUCK IN ONIONS” she said.
“THATS RIGHT, THERE IS NO FUCKIN ONIONS!!!!THATS WHAT I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU FOR THE LAST HALF A FUCKIN HOUR!!!!!!“
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» MAKE ME LAUGH (Whats the best joke you know)
